Lately I'm not very sure what to feel or how I should feel. As I said in my previous article, I haven't been feeling so very happy the past few months, due multiple reasons. But it's not like I feel totally depressed or something. Since November last year I'd always felt quite okay. I sort of got rid of my major insecurity issue back then and decided to accept the fact I am just a very introverted person. In February certain things happened which basically made me super happy and then from March on, certain things started to go down again. Such a pity. Over the summer I felt quite happy as well, although something had happened again and for some miracle reason I managed to block all my feelings and so I felt mostly very 'neutral'; neither happy, nor sad. Then when school started, all my feelings apparently had to come out and so I started feeling so depressed it literally scared me. Luckily that feeling only lasted for a few days. I think I could say that, since that time, I have been feeling 'neutral' again. It's not like I am intentionally blocking my feelings again, it's just that I don't feel anything particular most of the time. And some moments I get sad and other moments I get very happy and excited for life.

Although this week is a bit boring, I have some things coming up that make me really excited. A couple of weeks ago, I made the very good decision to meet up with an old friend of mine, whom I hadn't seen for over a year. We stopped being friends, because of a stupid fight, but when we spent some hours drinking coffee and eating pie in Rotterdam in the evening, it felt like we never stopped being friends.  No matter what happens, apparently I will always feel like I can trust this girl with all my heart and the fact we grew together again after such a long time, only proves how strong our friendship was(/is). I'm so happy I made friends again. We have planned to go out sometime, which is the first thing I am really excited for. We'll look slay and dance and have fun and meet new people (*ahum* boys, duh). I can't wait!

Coming week I am having dinner plans with friends, I'll have a busy weekend and overall the week will be very exciting. Anddd, the thing I'm most excited for: the opening of Forever21 in Rotterdam on October 17th. I will be at the opening with a friend and I will definitely spend some of my saved up money on new clothes. Speaking about money, since this month I am being more aware on what I spend my money on and how much I spend. I usually have major food cravings after school and I always used to go to the AH To Go store (supermarket) at the central station to buy a 'snack' before taking the train home. It honestly became a little insane how much money I spent on food every month and so, since this last I am constantly holding myself back to 'quickly visit the AH To Go after school'. And I'm succeeding! I need to save up money for my capsule wardrobe project and I really want the Nike Air Max Ultimate Essentials 1's, so those two things keep me motivated to not buy anything but the essential stuff. Plus, not buying any snacks and candy for at least two weeks straight makes me able to check something off my bucket list!

Right now I'm at school and I will be until 05:15 PM (pls, kill me), but after school two of my friends are coming over to have dinner at my place and I'm really looking forward to it. Especially because I'll be 'reuniting' those two friends after a whole year. I'm pretty sure we'll have a great time, just as we always had the best times before we broke contact. Edit: one friend has cancelled. No big deal, I'm still looking forward to it!

Last but not least, Friday evening I went to my mom and her boyfriend's first band gig and it was amazing to see them. My mom does the vocals and her boyfriend plays keyboards. In the band are two more guitarists, one base guitar player and a drummer and those guys are really talented as well! I was truly amazed by how well my mom could sing and rocked all the difficult songs she was first so afraid of (to sing). In the past  few months things didn't always go well between my mom and I and we've had some rough times, but I can't describe in words how proud I am of her for following her dreams and making them real. She's truly inspirational and I love her to the moon and back. ♥ Pff, that's some emotional crap right there. So, anyway... I can't wait to see the band's next performance!

I'll leave it to this for now. This post isn't really interesting for you to read maybe, but I liked sharing all of these things with you. Oh and by the way, I'll definitely make pictures at the opening of the new Forever21 and post those on my blog along with a small report. Anddd, I'll probably also post a shop log shortly after that. ;)

Edit: I finished this blog post a week after I started writing it and progress (in feeling happier) is made, so, AWAY with the 'neutral feelings'; I'm feeling happy!

I'll keep you posted! X